Have a question that has been nagging you for a while now but you are too embarrassed to ask aloud? Worry not, email me your question and I shall answer!
This week, I was asked, ‘I dread going to work because a colleague is always passive-aggressive with me. Is there anything I can do to change this?’
Hi 'I-am-anxious-about-facing-my-passive-aggressive-colleague!" Now that most of us are heading back to our offices, either full-time or in the form of some hybrid - onsite, home office format, it is time to face your colleagues (and test your resolution to be ‘more patient in face of useless questions, unnecessary emails and long winded meetings’). While you decided to embrace the 'New Year, New Me, I shall not stand toxicity' mantra, John Doe from accounts and Betty Smith from human resources haven’t. So if your coworker (or for that matter anyone in your life) is making Angela ( from The Office) look like a genuinely warm- hearted, gregarious, pleasant person then, along with the reader who sent me this question, read on.
First things first, DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT stoop to their level of passive aggressiveness. Nothing good ever comes out of it. Case in point : When Pam finds the microwave messy, she posts an anonymous note that kicks off a series of anonymous notes being posted in the kitchen, while the microwave still remains unclean.Do not be this person.
So, now that we have established what not to do.
Here is what you need to do : CALL IT OUT.
Don’t attack it.
Don’t ignore it.
You need to Expose it.
I can already hear your next question - ‘but Susie, how do we expose it?’
You expose it by pretending that you did not understand the comment.
For example, if someone tells you : Oh Susie, surprisingly you got around to filing that report.
You can ask them why were they surprised. Ask this right away. Instantly. Say it with genuine curiosity. Get them to repeat themselves. Get them to over explain. They might try ending the conversation by retorting that they were just surprised, but continue to press and ask, ‘why were they surprised that you were doing your job,wasn’t it what they wanted you to do’.
Do this with complete innocence and watch as they over explain and expose their passive aggressiveness.This works especially well if they do it in front of others.Whatever you do, do not let this behaviour slide.Do not let them get away with it. Expose this behaviour for what it is.
There you go! A little something in your ‘standing up for oneself’ arsenal*.
It is the year to advocate for yourself and not take things lying down.
Set the tone for how you want others to treat you.
March forth, we have much to do this year!
P.S. Like her, hate her, but you can not deny that Angela Martin is the uncontested Queen of Passive Aggression on television.
*P.P.S. Talking of Arsenal, sad day for Arsenal. I am sure they are heartbroken over their exit from the Champions League. Congratulations to Kimmich and Bayern Munich for advancing to the semis.
